🎵Rescue Vatican2🎵

The Ballad of Jed Clampet - Music by Paul Henning, Lyrics by Mr. Steve

Rescue Vatican II - to the tune of The Ballad of Jed Clampet
(The Beverly Hillbilly’s Theme Song)

verse 1:
(D)Come and listen to my story bout, a (G)man named (A)John,
(A)the poor lonely pope who thought, the (D)Church’s spark was gone.
(D)But then one day, he thought; “(G)we shall not despair,”
(A)let’s open up the windows and, let in some fresh (D)air.
verse 2:
(D)Well, the bishops missed the boat, cuz (G)they wuz all a(A)sleep,
(A)forgot to read the fine print, and (D)watch it slowly creep.
(D)Signed-off on all the documents, (G)2000 votes to four,
(A)and Mr. Stinky’s smoke slips through, a crack in the (D)door.

(D) (Forget Trento, we got ad-jour-na-mento!)

chorus:
(G)Well heck, now t’aint no (D)joke.
(A)the Council didn’t speak what it (D)spoke.
(G)We got-ta put-ta foot-ta on the (D)other (B7)shoe,
(A)and rescue Va-ti-can (D)2.

verse 3:
Marcel and Ottaviani said “Watch out what you sow!“
Lex Orandi, Lex Credendi, this is what we know,
option 1
but Boo-nini holding all the cards, he was mighty sly,
he gave Saint Pope the bait-and-switch and hung him out to dry.
option 2
but Boo-nini holding all the cards, was shuffling the deck,
he gave Saint Pope the bait-and-switch and strung him by his neck.

verse 4:
So now we swim-in-a-swamp of e-cu-meni-ical-ism,
We cannuh preach Nu-la-sal-us, just any old what-ever-ism.
option 1
How many precious souls were lost since 1969?
cause we forgot the four last things, and thought that we’d be fine.
or (we needed to opine.)
option 2
Our poorly-formed consciences say don’t dare share the Good News,
Ohhh, God forbid we were to upset the Muslims and the Jews!

(Long walk, off a short pier.)

chorus:
Well heck, now whadda we gonna do?
They’ve watered down what we knew was true.
We got-ta put-ta foot-ta on the other shoe,
and rescue Va-ti-can 2.

(So, ya got mild and medium. I got hot, ya want hot?)

verse 5:
So now we’re in the Church of, Syn-no-dal-ity,
We’ve gotta stop the TLM, for the sake of unity.
option 1
Us lousy, backward, ridged Trads, are giving him a fit,
so, in your pipe and smoke it Frank, cuz we don’t give a...
or (cuz we’re not gonna quit!)
option 2
You hate us backward, ridged trads, you put us on a shelf,
You seem obsessed with un-na-tur-al acts, so perform one on your ...

final chorus:
... hey now, whaddaya say?
They wanna bless you, cuz you are gay, (in the gayest voice possible)
It’s time we PUT OUR FOOT DOWN on the other shoooooooo …
and cancel Va-ti-can 2. (Vigano knows it.)
and cancel Va-ti-can 2. (come on, what is it?)
and cancel Va-ti-can 2. (don’t you mean revisit?)
(pregnant pause...) Nahhhh,
and (auto-fire sound effect) Va-ti-can 2.
and (TOS phaser snd. eff.) Va-ti-can 2.
and (TOS photon torpedo s.e.) Va-ti-can 2.
and (TOS Romulan disruptor s.e.) Va-ti-can 2.
and (A-Bomb s.e.) Va-ti-can 2.